👁️ Why I study Humans: My Story
10 years ago, I was betrayed by my best friend of 10 years. And why I'm grateful for it:
July 2024,
From the desk of Sol
Heavy rain in Singapore
Calm piano music playing in the background
Recap
As promised, this is my follow up essay from the previous one here.
Like all humans going through life, we inevitably get betrayed one way or another.
But the most painful betrayals are the least expected, especially if they come from someone you thought you could trust with your heart.
We will explore my story into 4 acts:
How it all began
The bond strengthens
The cracks appeared
Closing Notes
For the rest of this story, I will refer to this person as “C”.
It hurts to revisit the past, but I know I must.
How It All Began
“Did he really mean I was showing off too much? Or was he just jealous? Nah, it can’t be. He’s my best friend. He would never do that.”
At least, that was what I thought. I ignored the red flag and oh how wrong I was.
C and I met in elementary school.
We were both 10 years old, dressed in school uniforms and white school shoes, meeting each other for the first time in a new classroom. The classroom was arranged with 40 tables, separated into 20 stacks of 2.
We sat side by side for the first time.
Given Singapore's culture, it’s rare for any young child to initiate a conversation unless they are born extroverted. We didn’t interact much for the first few days. We knew each other’s names, smiled, listened to class together, and did homework side by side.
I didn’t like him initially. His poker face left nothing much to desire.
C had a nonchalant vibe, like he didn’t care much about anyone’s feelings. We occasioanally got into petty arguments and little fistfights until our teacher separated us. As a child, I didn’t know these were red flags. My innocent brain didn’t give it much thought.
This continued until we graduated and then met again in the same high school.
“You again? Ah, crap.”
We didn’t talk much, just did school things and tried our best not to provoke one another. The invisible agreement between us was, “If you don’t bother me, I won’t bother you.”
It worked until we meet again… in a church.
The Bond Strengthens
How did we even get there?
Our senior in school, two years older than us, decided to reach out and bring students to the church he joined.
We ended up in the same cell/life group—a term they used to make us feel like we were going through life together with Jesus. We attended church every week, though we were really just there to see cute girls and hang out with one another. That’s where we really bonded.
We were still in the same school and started hanging out during lunch breaks, joining the same clubs, and spending time together after school to play basketball, watch movies, or just chill with other friends.
Over time, we grew really, really close.
We began hanging out at each other’s houses, making silly videos, and gossiping about people we didn’t like (not proud of the gossiping phase). I remember the times we participated in 10km runs together. I tried to find a photo of us running but remembered I deleted it to move on from that chapter of my life. Yet, the images still linger in my memory.
This friendship went on for years and years.
We had so much goodwill between us, but that all changed when he took money (and my trust) away, forever…
The Cracks Appeared
“Hey, this girl messaged me about an opportunity. Want to check it out?”
Having untested trust in this guy, I didn’t think twice and went to check it out with him. We entered a room that looked like a presentation, where the host promised us that this event would change our lives. (Again, I didn’t think much because I trusted my friend.)
It turned out to be a two-hour sales pitch for a multi-level marketing (MLM) company.
The package to join was $1,688 and I bought it, which was a lot of money for me back then. Blinded by the “goodwill” and trust I had for my friend, I believed we could make more money together.
Then everything slowly started to crack…
We realised this MLM was full of overhyped motivational quotes and delusional, success-hungry people. It was almost like a cult and not many people were making the money the salesperson sold us on. I wanted out. C insisted I stayed.
He called me a p*ssy if I leave. (Ayo emotional blackmail)
During that time, I was still focused on running and uploaded an Instagram story documenting one of my runs. He saw it and DM’d me, “Too much.”
That distinct moment triggered a train of thoughts:
“Did he really mean I was showing off too much? Or was he just jealous? Nah, it can’t be. He’s my best friend. He would never do that.”
At least, that was what I thought. I ignored the red flag and oh how wrong I was.
Someone else told me that C used manipulation tactics to get his other friends to sign up for the MLM. Not knowing much back then and wanting to give this MLM thing a real shot, I tried to follow but found myself in conflict with my values. It just didn’t feel right.
After months of trying, I left the MLM. C guilt-tripped me for leaving. I also found out C made hundreds of commissions of my purchase of the $1,688 program. Ouch. My best friend made money off of me without telling me.
Then it hit me. This guy isn’t my best friend at all.
Real friends support one another; they don’t act only on their self-interests. Disgusted, I reluctantly cut all ties with C. I would reply slower. Then I completely ignore all his messages. It really hurt back then, my heart ached like it’s on someone’s tight grip. Many sleepless nights. Lonely walks replaying the fond memories we had together.
Ultimately, I knew I had to move on—This was the trigger that led me down the rabbit hole of studying humans.
I wanted to know why the f*ck are people so annoying. *cough* Sorry, let me try that again.
I wanted to understand why people do what they do, what drives them, and the mental software biology programmed into us since the dawn of humanity.
In doing so, I’ve gained a better understanding of my own thoughts, feelings, and actions. I’ve developed a heightened awareness of my own thoughts and other people’s reactions. (“Ah, I see why this person was doing that. Bet he doesn’t realize it himself!”)
While I don’t claim to be an expert on humans, I’m simply a curious observer.
A simple guide.
And it is my joy to pass that knowledge baton to my dear readers.
Closing Notes
As I write this and reflect on my journey, I am grateful for being betrayed. It was the trigger I needed to dive deep into our mind, spirit, and soul.
People will devote their entire lives to studying quantum physics, molecular cell biology, or even electrochemistry in hopes of changing the world. And those are great pursuits.
But I believe studying humans is the most fruitful endeavour anyone can venture into (and I do mean anyone). It won’t be easy and often challenging (for you have to let your old beliefs die), but it’s necessary if you want a life in tuned with reality.
Why?
So that you will never be disappointed with humans, ever again.
You’ll even think, “Heh, I’ve seen this before. It’s human nature, after all.”
And while I acknowledge that sharing stories and lessons of HumanNature may not change the world (and I don’t want to change the world), there is a world that will definitely change:
Yours.
Write to serve,
—sol
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I don’t say this lightly—Thank you once again.
Love this post. It's heartbreaking. Sorry you had to go through that. It's crazy, some of the stories I hear, the betrayal is always from the "best friend"
I can see why growing up, my parents always told me that just because someone is your best friend, doesn't meant they'll not betray you. They know you best, your weak points, etc. Easy for them to exploit if they want to. And those betrayals hurt so bad. Sometimes even more so than romantic relationships.
Beautiful post, love it!
I have a similar story. I know it hurts like a motherfucker but it made us who we are. And that's pretty great people 😉