How to Master Your Emotions (and Your Life)

Most people think life just happens to them. But is it true?

Hello my dear readers, recently life happened in a confusing blur limbo and I have been feeling a lot of emotions. So I sat down with them and listen to them without judgement… and here’s what I found:

Most people think life just happens to them.

They think that certain events—like losing a job, going through a parent’s divorce, or dealing with a tough manager—cause their emotions. It’s no surprise: when you’ve been raised to believe that external events control how you feel, you end up feeling helpless.

But here’s the positive truth I found:

It’s not what happens to you, but how you choose to interpret it that determines your emotions.

Once I realize I hold the reins, I will see that no matter what life throws at me, I can ride through it with courage, clarity, and confidence.

As the Stoic philosopher Marcus Aurelius put it, “If you are distressed by anything external, the pain is not due to the thing itself, but to your own estimate of it.”

That’s a fancy way of saying: We create your own emotional weather.

Yup, pretty wild to me when I first realised that too.

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As always, we will dissect this topic into 5 acts 🔪

1. A surprising start

2. We care what others think

3. Story—J.K. Rowling’s early failure

4. Your mind is like a camera

5. 3 steps to apply

6. Wrapping it up

A Surprising Start

Imagine this: Two people lose their jobs on the same day at the same company.

Both worked the same position and both got laid off for the same reason—budget cuts, not performance. The first person thinks, “I’m a failure. I’ll never find another job like this. I’m finished.” She feels anxious, depressed, and stuck. The second person thinks, “This might be my chance to find something better. I’ve learned what I like and don’t like in a job, so now I can take a step forward.” He feels motivated, curious, and open to new opportunities.

The event—losing the job—was the same for both people.

But their interpretation changed their emotional response. One walked away feeling hopeless, the other hopeful. This example is proof that you have far more power over your emotions than you’ve probably been taught.

We have power over our emotions.

We care what others think

Let’s face it: we’re wired to care about what happens around us.

Our ancestors needed to pay attention to dangerous animals, harsh weather, and rival tribes. Danger in the environment meant trouble. This survival instinct still lingers inside us today. Because of this, we naturally assume that what we see or hear “out there” must directly create how we feel “in here.”

But human nature is flexible.

Just as we’ve adapted over thousands of years, we can adapt now. The trick is to learn that an event plus your interpretation equals your emotional response. Most of the time, we skip that middle step—the interpretation—and jump straight from event to emotion.

By shining a spotlight on that hidden middle step, we gain control over what we feel.

Story—J.K. Rowling’s Early Failure:

J.K. Rowling, the author of the Harry Potter series, was rejected by multiple publishers before one finally accepted her manuscript.

She could have easily interpreted these rejections as a sign that she was a bad writer and never would succeed.

Instead, she believed that her idea was valuable and that someone would recognize it eventually.

Her interpretation—“I’m learning and getting closer to a ‘yes’”—kept her going until she achieved global success.

Your mind is like a camera

Think of your mind like a camera.

The world around you is your subject. Events happen—someone cuts you off in traffic, your friend cancels dinner, you stumble during a presentation. These are like scenes passing in front of your camera lens.

But here’s the catch:

You control the filter and the angle. If you tilt the camera down and zoom in on the dirt, that’s all you’ll see. If you adjust the filter to black-and-white despair, you’ll end up with gloomy shots. But if you tilt the camera up towards the horizon and add a bright filter, you capture hope and possibility.

The events didn’t change, your camera angle and filter did.

Your mind is like a camera.

3 steps to apply

1. Catch your thoughts “In the Act”:
   Next time you feel a strong emotion—anger, sadness, fear—pause and ask yourself: “What am I thinking right now that’s creating this feeling?” This has helped me to see the gap between the event and your interpretation. You need to shine a light on your thoughts before they run wild.

2. Ask better questions:
   When facing a tough situation, swap “Why me?” for “What can I learn from this?” or “How can I use this to grow?” Even if it feels forced at first, practicing better questions will help you find better interpretations. A better question sparks a better feeling.

3. Use a Mantra:
   Consider repeating a short phrase to yourself when you face difficulties: “I decide what this means.” This simple reminder puts you back in the driver’s seat. It did for me. You’re the meaning-maker, not the meaning-taker.

Wrapping it up

Remember: You’re NOT at the mercy of life’s storms.

You can’t always control the weather, but you can decide whether to carry an umbrella, dance in the rain, or search for rainbows. The event (the rain) doesn’t force you to feel miserable; it’s the story you tell yourself about it that matters.

This shift in perspective comes back to human nature.

We’re storytellers by birth.

Our minds love spinning narratives. The key is to write your own uplifting narratives instead of letting your circumstances write them for you.

“There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so.”

— William Shakespeare

Hey, you’ve got this

Change can feel uncomfortable.

At first, you might slip back into blaming external events. That’s normal. Human nature prefers the familiar. But just like learning to ride a bike, you will stumble, then balance, then glide.

You got this.

With each practice session—each moment you pause to examine your thoughts—you’re building a stronger, more resilient mind. Over time, you’ll feel lighter and more in control.

You’ll realize that external events don’t have power over your emotions—you do.

Make your emotions work for you, not against you.

Sources

Cognitive Therapy and Research Journal :: Springer Link - Cognitive Therapy and Research

APA Dictionary of Psychology on Cognitive Restructuring :: APA Dictionary: Cognitive Restructuring

William Shakespeare Quote (“Hamlet”) :: Open Source Shakespeare

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With that, I leave you with this:

The world might be chaotic, but your mind can be calm.

Events are raw ingredients.

Interpretation is your secret recipe.

Now go cook up something nourishing.

And take care of mental health.

Love you all,

sol